1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,917 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:03,377 BELA: Sorry I'm late. 3 00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:04,837 My liner took me three tries. 4 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,297 Bela, you're literally glowing! 5 00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,466 (gasps) Does this mean what I think it does? 6 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:11,468 - You and Arvind finally had sex? - Sadly, no. 7 00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,303 The orgasmic glow you are noticing is from 8 00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:14,930 a foot-peeling mask that I accidentally used on my face. 9 00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,807 - Oh. - It took off the top layer of my skin. 10 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:19,143 Wow. Am I wrong in assuming this is the longest stretch 11 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,812 - you've gone without having sex? - BELA: Sure is, but, 12 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:24,231 whatever. I have accepted the reality for what it is. 13 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,025 I'll have sex when I'm supposed to have sex. 14 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,486 I'll survive... I think. 15 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,904 Hello, friends. 16 00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:33,574 I brought you all some cupcakes with my face on it. 17 00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:35,743 But please be careful 'cause the photo is not edible. 18 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,244 Somebody got real sick. 19 00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,329 Okay, but, um, why? 20 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,123 This is all a part of my grassroots campaign 21 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,250 to get on Essex 50 Most List. 22 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,419 What's Essex's 50 Most List? 23 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,629 The campus magazine does this big issue every year 24 00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:49,423 where they rank the 50 hottest students on campus, 25 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,841 and then they write about them. 26 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,509 JAYLA: It is major social cred. 27 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,678 So I'm already campaigning. 28 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,514 So, remember, that's "Jayla" with a "Y," 29 00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,183 not to be confused with Ugly Jala. 30 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,352 Essex has a student organization 31 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:02,728 that ranks people by their looks, 32 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,313 and I'm just finding out about this now? 33 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,689 (sighs) Everyone is so thirsty 34 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,483 for that dumb list this time of year. 35 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,360 Half my teammates got blowouts before last week's game. 36 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,944 They're all a week ahead of me? 37 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,738 It's so backwards and archaic. 38 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,448 The world needs to get better at acknowledging 39 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,408 that some things are subjective. 40 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:17,951 Not everything needs to be ranked. 41 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,495 Aren't you obsessed 42 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,163 with the U.S. News and World college rankings? 43 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,623 Not anymore, since they totally fucked us. 44 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,792 Big deal, Columbia has a nursing program. 45 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,252 Our student-to-faculty ratio crushes theirs. 46 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,879 Okay, well, I am so getting on this list. 47 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,214 Do you guys have a good place 48 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,715 where you can get a vampire facial? 49 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:33,509 - I don't know what that means. - (phone chimes) 50 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,885 - Mm-mm. - BELA: Ooh! I just got a text 51 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,220 from Arvind saying he hopes 52 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,347 I'm free tomorrow. Here we go! 53 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,224 Okay! This might be it! 54 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:44,687 And... he wants me to volunteer with him at an old folks' home. 55 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,690 It's official. I'm definitely never having sex again. 56 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,274 Whitney, can I borrow your Theragun later? 57 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,901 With that segue? No. 58 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:55,240 Vote for Jayla. Put the "A" in slay. Slay. 59 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,866 I need a tagline. 60 00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,911 ♪ I'm-a kick back when you fake like that ♪ 61 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:04,248 ♪ Head out of the game, I don't play that fact ♪ 62 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,375 ♪ Once you let me go, no, you never come back... ♪ 63 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,085 - That's crazy. - Dude, I can't believe 64 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,503 you were just at soccer practice. 65 00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:11,922 That fall the other day was so gnarly. 66 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:14,425 - I thought you were dead for a second. - It wasn't that bad. 67 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:17,720 Did the team doc give you anything? Pills? Shot? 68 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,432 No, no, they just, um, told me to ice and rest. 69 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,642 - Whitney! - Hey, Professor Milton. 70 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:24,977 Uh, Willow, this is, uh, my professor 71 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,437 who's running the fish lab. 72 00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:28,230 The one I've been doing the research with. 73 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,815 Ah, so you're the reason Whitney smells weird 74 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,525 - on Tuesdays and Thursdays. - I certainly am. 75 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,944 And that stink is the price you have to pay 76 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,654 to find a cure for fin rot. 77 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,656 Now, has Whitney explained fin rot to you? 78 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,658 WILLOW: No, but you don't have to, either. I'm good. 79 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,453 Uh, Whitney, unfortunately, I've got some bad news. 80 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,621 The university decided not to fund us. 81 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,206 - Seriously? What the heck. - Mm-hmm. 82 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,875 I-I thought our prospectus was good. 83 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,169 - This is just how it goes in research. - Hmm. 84 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,795 You know, no matter what good we can do, 85 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:54,006 - we're at the mercy of the dollar. - Right. 86 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,466 Well, thank you for telling me. 87 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,925 Hey, don't let it get you down. 88 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,886 You know, just keep doing what you're doing, 89 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:01,138 do your work, and eventually, something will bite, and, uh, 90 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,473 let's hope that bite doesn't come 91 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,183 from the Amazonian candiru fish. 92 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,143 (both laughing loudly) 93 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,978 - Because, because... Do you know the fish? - Because... 94 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,646 - I'll explain. I'll explain it to her. - Oh. 95 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,023 - That's really good. - Thank you. 96 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,441 Thank you. I needed that. 97 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,817 - Yeah. It was nice to meet you. - Yeah. 98 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:16,362 ♪ Man, when you caught my eye ♪ 99 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,864 ♪ I was losing my mind ♪ 100 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,158 ♪ Dreamed and when I woke... ♪ 101 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,785 Whoa. What's with the spreadsheet? 102 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,244 You know you don't have to do your taxes 103 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,871 until you're, like, 25, right? 104 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,831 Oh, that's not true. 105 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,000 It's not? Well, fuck. 106 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,710 This is an intricate grid of all the in-person 107 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,379 and digital connections I have with students 108 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,381 who work on Essex's 50 Most List. 109 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,925 It shows people who I've gotten to, 110 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:41,011 and people who I still need to, you know, hunt down. 111 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:43,514 Wow. You really locked in since learning about the list. 112 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:46,934 I have to! So many girls are angling for this, 113 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,478 and as a new transfer student, I have to work harder. 114 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:50,896 I will not be snubbed an award 115 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,981 by some rando who didn't know I existed. 116 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,817 This is how I won Little Miss North Dakota, 117 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,694 and I've never even set foot in a Dakota. 118 00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:59,279 Well, um, I don't know if this matters to you or not, 119 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,031 but whether or not you make that list, 120 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,366 we think you're beautiful. 121 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,284 Oh, that's so sweet. 122 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:05,619 Would you be willing to tweet that 123 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,371 from a few hundred fake accounts? 124 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,332 Okay, well, I'm off. I'm officially ahead on all 125 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,043 of my homework and reading, so I have a free day to myself! 126 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,503 Wow. What are you gonna do? 127 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,588 I'm gonna do the official Essex campus tour. 128 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,881 Isn't that for, like, high school students 129 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,842 - who don't go here yet? - It is, 130 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,677 but I couldn't afford to fly here when I applied. 131 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,846 But it's for the best, because I have so many questions 132 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,056 about the benches. 133 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,850 Okay, well, have fun. 134 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,561 Ooh. When you walk by the Essex View office, will you 135 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:34,023 talk really loudly about how cute Kacey Lynn Baker is? 136 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,942 - Sure. - Yay! Thank you. 137 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,362 ♪ ♪ 138 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,491 Go fish. 139 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:45,993 Aren't we playing checkers? 140 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,745 Yeah, we play whatever they think we're playing. 141 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,079 Uh, Estelle, 142 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,914 - you win again. - Ha! 143 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,542 - Suck it, Morris. - BELA: Thanks for inviting me. 144 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,085 I did think having a date in an old folks' home 145 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,587 would be weird, and it is, 146 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,672 but I'm loving the unlimited pudding policy. 147 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,467 Of course. I find helping the elderly so rewarding, 148 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,052 and only half of them are racist, 149 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,220 which is pretty good for people over 80. 150 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,639 - That is good. - This is the girl 151 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,351 Arvind's been dating behind our back. 152 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:13,020 She's very pretty, but can she make 153 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,189 Ukrainian stuffed peppers? 154 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,941 You know, Arvind, women don't hit 155 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:20,944 their sexual prime until their 60s. 156 00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:23,280 Uh, sorry about them, they're a little protective of me. 157 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:26,700 No, it's okay, I love a little friendly competition. 158 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,286 - ARVIND: Ooh. - But back off, ladies, he's mine. 159 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,121 What did you say about my back? 160 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,457 Nothing. Your back is great. 161 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,334 No, it isn't. 162 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,671 Hey, I finally have a night off from FAF duties tomorrow. 163 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,340 Wait, so do I. We haven't had a night off together in so long. 164 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,800 We have to go out. 165 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:46,261 Out? Like, to a party? Yeah, that could be fun. 166 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:49,139 Admittedly, ever since I became a FAF, I don't really party. 167 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:52,643 - Wait, so you haven't been to a party all year? - Calendar year or school year? 168 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,521 - I don't know why I asked that. Either way, the answer is no. - Okay, then, 169 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,314 it's settled, tomorrow I'm taking you out. 170 00:05:57,315 --> 00:06:00,651 Get ready to see Bela Malhotra tear up the campus. 171 00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:02,861 Ooh, okay, let's do it. 172 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,489 Let's get turned. 173 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,616 - It's "turnt." - Turnt. Right. 174 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,201 I think it's so sweet 175 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:13,038 you both came to this country and found love. 176 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,666 Wow, you know, she's not even the racist one. 177 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,876 Bingo! 178 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,837 ♪ ♪ 179 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,463 KIMBERLY: So, what do you think of Essex so far? 180 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,340 If I were you, I'd apply early. 181 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,508 It's actually my safety school. 182 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,010 I'm hoping to get into Columbia. 183 00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,177 Columbia? 184 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,846 Okay, well, have fun at the Ivy 185 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,931 with the lowest student satisfaction rate 186 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,850 according to multiple Reddit posts. 187 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,977 BRIAN: Hello, prospective students 188 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,563 and prospective parents... and Kimberly? 189 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,106 Brian? You're our tour guide? 190 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:42,026 Yeah. Uh, Kimberly is a fellow student 191 00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,986 from one of my classes 192 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,363 - who, I guess, is, uh, taking the tour. - Mm-hmm. 193 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,741 - Weird. - No, that's not weird. I guess you could say 194 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,534 I'm not just a student at Essex, 195 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,202 I'm also a student of Essex. 196 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:55,039 Wow, that is going into a brochure, if I have any pull. 197 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,875 Um, so, do you have any special requests? 198 00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,169 Okay, I would never want to back-seat tour-guide, 199 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,047 but I do have some questions about the lattice work 200 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,423 in the Divinity Solarium. 201 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,717 And also, I heard that the original desk 202 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,386 that John Essex used was converted into a bookcase? 203 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,805 - I would love to see that. - COLIN: I'd like to see the Sbarro 204 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,141 - in the student center. - Uh, yeah, okay. 205 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,226 Though, unfortunately, we lost our licensing deal, 206 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,354 and it is now called a Sbumo. 207 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:22,524 - (sighs) - Okay, potential Foxes, let's get this tour started. 208 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,068 First up, our library, which was originally 209 00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,278 Vermont's first high-security prison. 210 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,614 I fucking knew it. 211 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,533 Keep these details coming, Brian, I am living. 212 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,454 ♪ ♪ 213 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,791 Goodbye, Doug. I will always remember 214 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,334 the time I accidentally touched you 215 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,586 and got pink eye the next day. 216 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:45,005 Step away from the tank. 217 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,423 We got the funding! 218 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,133 No way. Really? That's unbelievable. 219 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,635 It is a miracle, although, as a scientist, 220 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,178 I do not believe in those. 221 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,596 Well, now we can finally get that self-cleaning 222 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:53,681 filtration system and nobody 223 00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,265 has to be on algae duty. 224 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,267 Exactly. Although, I do find 225 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,936 scraping the tank to be calming. 226 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,938 Wait, so, who is this mysterious donor? 227 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,232 Some telecom billionaire's venture firm 228 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,109 called Beaconvest Capital. 229 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,610 Really? Oh, God. 230 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:07,945 What? Did they do something bad? 231 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,613 Is this, like, dirty opioid money? 232 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,407 Actually, don't tell me, I-I really need this. 233 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:12,866 Uh, no, uh... 234 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,703 it's just, that's my boyfriend's dad's company. 235 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:19,123 It is? Oh, finally, a student with connections. 236 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,125 Hey, if you'd be willing to introduce us, 237 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,960 I have a few proposals I want to run by him. 238 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,129 I have this idea for a restaurant that is awesome. 239 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,798 (chuckles) All right, boys, tonight, we celebrate. 240 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,800 Double flakes for everyone. 241 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,845 Oop, sorry, Shelly. Shouldn't have said "boys." 242 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,889 ♪ I came here ready for a good time... ♪ 243 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:39,059 I think if you, like, went into that situation... 244 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,979 - CHLOE: Excuse me. - Heads up, the frats are doing hell week, 245 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,772 so everybody be on the lookout for pranks. 246 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,233 And by pranks, I do mean people pooping 247 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,028 - in the laundry dryers. - That can't be real. 248 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,655 MAN (distant): What the hell is wrong with people? 249 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,657 Taylor, you changed your hair. 250 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,325 And now I know why the shower's pink. 251 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,161 It's great you're here, actually, 'cause we were just 252 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,829 discussing the letter you slipped under our door. 253 00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,581 My letter? What letter? 254 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,249 The one suggesting that we all attend 255 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,793 the queer rodeo fundraising party tonight 256 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,087 regardless of our sexualities 257 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:10,716 because "allyship starts with action"? 258 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,552 BELA: Yes... 259 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,596 Right. I wrote this. 260 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,264 Of course you did. It's signed "from Bela" 261 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,224 and you misspelled the word "environment." 262 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,392 Classic Bela. 263 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,519 - Classic. - (laughter) 264 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,606 Hey, Taylor, can I talk to you outside for a second? 265 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,317 - What the hell is going on? - I figured out how to get with Chloe. 266 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,527 Chloe your roommate? Who you told me is straight? 267 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,697 She says she's straight. My gaydar for her is going off 268 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,866 like you at a Men's Warehouse clearance sale. 269 00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,868 BELA: People like my neckties. 270 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,870 I think if I can get Chloe to a big queer party, 271 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,247 she might feel comfortable enough coming out to me. 272 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,749 So you lied and made it sound like 273 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,376 I'm forcing them to attend 274 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:48,128 and that I can't spell a simple, three-syllable word. 275 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,213 Four, babe. 276 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,881 En-vi-ro... 277 00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,049 damn it. 278 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,218 (sighs) Fine, I won't blow up your plan. 279 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,345 - Thank you. - But just know that I will be attending 280 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,764 this party as well, not because of anything that happened here, 281 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,558 but because a queer rodeo sounds really fun. 282 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,143 Please don't go to it. 283 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,771 It's too late. It's already happening. 284 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,232 See you there, Taylor. 285 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,609 ♪ ♪ 286 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,944 Mmm. 287 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,446 This panini is literally rocking my world. 288 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,240 You want a bite? 289 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,409 - (phone chimes) - Who invented the panini? 290 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,911 AUTOMATED VOICE: The exact origin of the panini is unknown. 291 00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,746 Well, ain't that some shit? 292 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,081 KACEY: (gasps) Oh, my God. 293 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,582 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - What? What? 294 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,042 KACEY: That guy's dropping off 295 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,795 the magazines with the 50 Most List. 296 00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,381 - Oh, my God! I'm coming. - Excuse me. 297 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,300 Look out. Tall and tiny coming through. 298 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:38,053 No. No, no, no. Come on. 299 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,265 A 10% off coupon for Sips? When did I approve that? 300 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,766 Who are these people? 301 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,979 Uggo, legacy, nepo... 302 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,522 Damn, you judge fast. 303 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,941 47, 48, 49... 304 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,110 (gasps) There's only one page left. 305 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,653 Oh, fuck. 306 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,488 Well, maybe it's you. 307 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,949 (exhales) 308 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,784 (gasps) Calvin?! 309 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,162 Isn't that the guy who cheated on you? 310 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,790 Damn, he's got a thicker neck than I remember. 311 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:11,211 What? I can hate the guy and not hate his hot neck. 312 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,380 ♪ ♪ 313 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,091 Wow, Brian, you were such a good tour guide. 314 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,761 I don't care what those stupid high school kids said. 315 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,179 Wait, what did they say? 316 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,972 Oh, uh, nothing. They loved it. 317 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,308 And, um, they loved the length of your khaki pants. 318 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,934 (chuckles softly) 319 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,479 Well, you were a lot more fun than my normal audience. 320 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,398 But there's one spot I never get to include in the tour, 321 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,901 and I knew I had to show you. 322 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,779 Oh, my God. What is? The anticipation is killing me. 323 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,739 BRIAN: Most people don't find this interesting, but... 324 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,783 this line of stones was 325 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,619 the original property line of Essex college. 326 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:44,995 Oh, my God. 327 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,373 So are you saying that if it were 1680, 328 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,833 I wouldn't even be standing on Essex property right now? 329 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,460 - That's right. - (gasps) 330 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,837 You would be standing on contested Dutch territory. 331 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:56,507 Brian, I am losing my shit right now! 332 00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:59,343 It's insane that they make you take this out of the tour. 333 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,054 - Everyone deserves to know this. - Right? 334 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:05,140 Some of us like that it's more of a secret. 335 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,517 KIMBERLY: Whoa, Professor Friedman. 336 00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,768 What are you doing here? 337 00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,853 Well, I was having a quiet lunch 338 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,523 alone with my thoughts. 339 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,483 Wait, you two aren't on some weird little date, are you? 340 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,151 - Oh, not at all. No. - Oh, of course not. 341 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,945 I don't like when my students date. 342 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,531 The last two that did became rival judges 343 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:21,990 and a man was executed. 344 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,659 He did bomb a building, 345 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,285 but that trial was messy. 346 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,871 Oh. Well, no need to worry. Uh, we're just friends. 347 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,082 Yeah, less than friends. Just acquaintances, even. 348 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,168 - Respectfully. - Respectfully. 349 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,920 - Well, I should go. - BRIAN: Yeah. 350 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,382 Uh, but I'll see you guys in the symposium. (chuckles) 351 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,676 Oh. 352 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,802 Just, uh... 353 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:42,845 (shutter clicks) 354 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,347 Now I can go. 355 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,560 ♪ ♪ 356 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,478 Hey. Can I talk to you for a second? 357 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,563 Yeah, what's up, Whitney? 358 00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:53,981 Not you, Terry. 359 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,859 Okay. I'll step to the side, but... 360 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,486 I'll be listening. 361 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,072 - What's up? - Did you get your dad to fund my lab? 362 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,741 I did. When you told me about your lab 363 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,117 losing funding, I reached out to him. 364 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,077 He loves funding science and innovation. 365 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,912 He was an angel investor in the Snuggie 366 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,873 and, uh, that's what got us our Paris home. 367 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,291 Wow. Okay. 368 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,084 Well, I know you were trying to be nice, 369 00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,253 but I mean, $200,000 is a lot of money. 370 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,382 You gave your girlfriend $200,000? 371 00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,217 What? I said I'd be listening. 372 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:25,095 What? Did I do something wrong? You seem mad at me. 373 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,097 Well, I just wish you would've told me first. 374 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,891 Look, I don't want to feel like I owe you anything. 375 00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,476 The whole thing just makes me feel weird. 376 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,810 You think you feel weird? 377 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,562 I just found out he gave you $200,000. 378 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,064 Yet he still owes me ten bucks for wings. 379 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,607 Make it make sense. 380 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,609 Terry, my Venmo notifications are turned off. 381 00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,611 - Well, consider yourself notified. - (groaning): Oh, my... 382 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:43,572 Look, if I want to do something nice for you, that's on me. 383 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,532 Money is money. You don't owe me anything. 384 00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,034 So it shouldn't matter where it came from. 385 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,952 Yeah, well, it matters to me. 386 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:52,039 (scoffs) Same. Same. 387 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,999 ♪ I don't pay them no mind ♪ 388 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,376 ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪ 389 00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:57,753 ♪ I don't want to be right... ♪ 390 00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,339 - Cheers! - Great night! 391 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,840 ♪ Say that we ain't welcome there ♪ 392 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,467 ♪ We'll just fly to California ♪ 393 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,803 ♪ Put some flowers in my hair ♪ 394 00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:08,597 ♪ They can say what they want to say... ♪ 395 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,724 Guys, I need this party tonight. 396 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,226 I'm so annoyed at Isaiah, 397 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,144 which is why I'm excited to drink until I forget 398 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,146 - about why I'm annoyed at him. - Yeah! 399 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,981 Who needs men when you've got good music, 400 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,692 great vibes and the best gals. 401 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,777 And me, Arvind! 402 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,278 Who wants another shot? 403 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,988 It's so fun that you're here, Arvind. 404 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,490 We never have guests at our pregame. 405 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:27,908 Oh, that's because we're giving him 406 00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,243 the full party experience. 407 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,495 Keg stands, sweaty dancing, 408 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,748 and not realizing how drunk you are until you sit down to pee. 409 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,125 Can I get a yeehaw? 410 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,293 - Yeehaw! - Yeehaw! 411 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:42,006 Yippie-ki-yi-yay who fucking cares. 412 00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,924 (turns music off) 413 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,467 Um, girl, are you good? 414 00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,344 No. No, I'm hideous. 415 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,263 I'm not one of the top 50 hottest people 416 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,681 on this campus, and Calvin is. 417 00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,016 Which basically means 418 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,184 I'm human dumpster water, and worse... 419 00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:55,519 I lost my breakup. 420 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,230 Kacey, please stop. You're beautiful. 421 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,691 And Calvin being on that list should confirm how dumb it is. 422 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:03,193 Yeah, he looks like a thumb and his mouth is a knuckle. 423 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,154 Yeah, his lips are the same color as his face. 424 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,406 And worst of all? He's ugly on the inside. 425 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,034 No, no. Continue making fun of his outside looks. 426 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,660 I'll say it. He's got date rape vibes. 427 00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:12,661 - Oh, my God. - What? 428 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:13,662 - What? - Too far! 429 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,997 What? He does. 430 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,540 I hate that this man broke your heart, 431 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,709 and you should know your scars are 432 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,919 - what make you most beautiful. - Too much, Arvind. 433 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,463 Sorry. I'm still learning how to pregame. 434 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,048 Kacey, come to the party with us. 435 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,466 It'll make you feel better. 436 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,176 Oh, I'm going. 437 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:30,054 I may be ugly, but that doesn't mean I don't exist. 438 00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,388 So, again, you are not... 439 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,223 And if I don't go out, then they win. 440 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:36,143 And I refuse to let them win. 441 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,979 Wait for me, I'm gonna go put my extensions in. 442 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,481 You don't need to extend anything. 443 00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:41,899 Everything about you is the perfect length! 444 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,192 (door slams) 445 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,777 Do not let her put Taylor Swift on, 446 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,403 she will get lost in the song and never come out. 447 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,613 Go, go, go. (snaps fingers) 448 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,822 ♪ Girl ♪ 449 00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:50,741 ♪ You my lil' boo thang ♪ 450 00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,409 ♪ So I don't give a hoot what your dude say, girl ♪ 451 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,411 ♪ I know you a lil' too tame ♪ 452 00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,455 ♪ I'll be shooting that shot like 2K, girl ♪ 453 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,957 ♪ I know, tell them I'm, tell them I'm next... ♪ 454 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,502 - BELA: Am I off? - This is impossible. 455 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,253 When do we clap? 456 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:06,757 ♪ Tell them you found a lil' something fresh, I know... ♪ 457 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,009 How are you doing this so well? 458 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,260 Oh, it's easy. Ready? 459 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:13,597 It's tap, tap, shuffle, and hop. 460 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,766 I think I got the hop part, but not the other stuff. 461 00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:18,769 In my town, you had to take a line dancing class 462 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:19,770 to graduate high school. 463 00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:21,355 Why don't they just play 464 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,273 one of those songs where the lyrics are instructions? 465 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,608 Okay, now cowboy up. 466 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,485 Yeah, but what does that mean? Ow! 467 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,821 I give up. Let's get out of the stomp zone. 468 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,155 - Absolutely. - Please. 469 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,949 ♪ To the back, to the front ♪ 470 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,450 ♪ You a ten, baby girl... ♪ 471 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,285 You guys looked like shit out there. 472 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,080 Oh, I'm not judging. I'm also very bad. 473 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,999 I'm Lewis, by the way, nice to meet you. 474 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,001 - Hey, cool party. - Oh, you think 475 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,545 just because I'm gay it's my party? 476 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,921 Just kidding! It is. I planned the whole thing. 477 00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,382 (chuckles) She's cute, right? 478 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,174 Yeah, what's the bucket for? 479 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,467 Oh, we're collecting donations 480 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,094 for our friend's top surgery. 481 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,887 Boob-voyage, baby. 482 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,305 Hell, yeah. I'll donate to that. 483 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,849 It's an honor to be a part 484 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,642 of someone's gender journey. 485 00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,436 Howdy, my hotties! Howdy. 486 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,104 Ooh. Let me put something in the pot. 487 00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:04,314 Oh, I know you have more money than that. 488 00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:07,651 Let me know if you need any help searching those pockets. 489 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,486 Oh, Canaan, this is Lewis. 490 00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:12,072 He's the one that got fired from Sips before you got hired. 491 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,158 Lila and I were a disaster together. 492 00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:17,327 Oh, I've missed you, you little slut. 493 00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,329 Lila, where's your Instacart hottie? 494 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,749 Oh, sadly, Gabe and I have drifted apart. 495 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,834 But someday, on a dark and lonely night 496 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,378 when I realize I need some household products, 497 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,297 perhaps we shall reunite. 498 00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:32,051 Until then, who is down to hoedown? 499 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,344 I am. 500 00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,346 Oh, yes, my long-backed angel. 501 00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:38,098 Let's get that flat ass on the dance floor, shall we? 502 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,183 - ARVIN: Oh, yeah. - Nothing long-backed. 503 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,852 (laughs) Come on! 504 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,813 ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa ♪ 505 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:48,233 ♪ You're lovely cold and I swear... ♪ 506 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,528 Damn, Lila, those are some impressive dance moves. 507 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,030 Oh, these aren't dance moves, 508 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,865 they are select body movements 509 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:58,370 meant to catch the eye of the hot-ass cowboy over there. 510 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,705 And... it... 511 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,624 worked. Bye, bitches. 512 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,834 This is so much more fun 513 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,544 than Catan night with the boys. 514 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,922 Bela, thank you so much for bringing me. 515 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,507 Aw, look at us. 516 00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,467 No first-years to take care of. 517 00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,679 Is a student triggered by an incident with their roommate? 518 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,639 Bela doesn't care. She's off tonight. 519 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,724 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, is a student homesick? 520 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,101 Arvind doesn't care. 521 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,727 Well, he does care, he loves people 522 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,104 and he really wants them to be happy, 523 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,605 but he's off tonight. 524 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,898 (laughs) 525 00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,318 I'm gonna go get us another drink. M'lady. 526 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,070 Seems like Arvind's having fun. 527 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:36,824 Yeah. I feel like I'm getting to know a whole new side of him. 528 00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,660 Look at him swirl in that ice. 529 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,037 And he's, like, totally been all over me. 530 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,332 I think tonight might be the night we finally have sex. 531 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,334 (chuckles) I doubt it, babe. 532 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:49,337 That boy is drunk. 533 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,091 I think I overestimated his tolerance. 534 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,676 (whoops) 535 00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:58,095 I got to sober him up. Does anyone have any rice? 536 00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:02,224 Or, uh, pieces of bread like you might feed to a duck? 537 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:03,726 ("Good Time" by Jodie Harsh playing) 538 00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,936 ♪ I'm here for a good time ♪ 539 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,271 ♪ Not a long time... ♪ 540 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,856 TAYLOR: Chloe! 541 00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:09,982 You made it. 542 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,066 Of course. 543 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,276 Anything for a good cause. 544 00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,944 And isn't it so great 545 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:16,780 we can be in a place where we can truly be ourselves? 546 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,115 In the dining hall? 547 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,491 Yeah. 548 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,492 Sure. 549 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,369 I love your outfit, by the way. 550 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,413 Thank you. It's my take on Western wear, 551 00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,457 based on one ten-second Google search. 552 00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:28,959 It's hot. I'm gonna get a drink. 553 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,294 Okay. 554 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,129 You're gay for straight. 555 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,464 Excuse me? 556 00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:34,965 You're gaming on a straight girl. 557 00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,133 I've meticulously 558 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:37,760 catalogued all the gay women 559 00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:40,721 on this campus and that girl is not in my binder. 560 00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,849 - Who is she? - My roommate. 561 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,309 And what makes you so sure she's straight? 562 00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:48,562 Her nails. Girl's got a stiletto manicure. 563 00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:51,565 These are the hands of a hardworking lesbian. 564 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,484 Okay. But when we're alone, 565 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,277 she's always playing with my hair 566 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,571 - and touching my leg and I just... - And that means nothing. 567 00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:00,240 A straight girl will flirt with you one minute, 568 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,658 and make out with your brother 569 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,535 at his laser tag birthday party the next. 570 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,912 Worst day of my life. 571 00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:06,747 I'm pretty sure that won't happen to me. 572 00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:08,708 And I know I'm right about Chloe. 573 00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:14,296 You're gonna regret not listening to your queer elders. 574 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,006 You're two years older than me. 575 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:19,843 ♪ I got a taste for individuality... ♪ 576 00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:22,346 - I have to come clean about something. - Mm-hmm. 577 00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:24,181 I don't know what cold foam means 578 00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:26,225 and whenever someone orders it, I just give them whipped cream. 579 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,685 Kimberly, no Sips talk. 580 00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,187 - Respect my work-life balance. - Okay. 581 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,313 Brian! 582 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:32,940 Oh. Kimberly, h-hi. 583 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,191 Lila, this is Brian. 584 00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,693 He's the guy from my symposium 585 00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:37,111 who I spent the whole day with. 586 00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,529 Oh, yes! The Essex tour. 587 00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:39,947 What a cool and normal way 588 00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:41,490 for people our age to spend an afternoon. 589 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,742 Oh. Um... I meant to tell you. 590 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,369 The book on gerrymandering that Professor Friedman mentioned 591 00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,287 is back in circulation tomorrow. 592 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,706 Yeah, I got the notification, too. 593 00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,791 Oh! Okay, well, I guess it's gonna be 594 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,836 a race to the library, and we'll see who wins. 595 00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:55,004 Well, this was weird to watch. 596 00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:57,381 Like two prime numbers having a meet-cute. 597 00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,216 See you later, Kimberly and Himberly. 598 00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,384 KIMBERLY: Himberly? 599 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,386 Wait, is she making fun of us 600 00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,430 because we have a lot in common or something? 601 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:06,390 BOTH: That's silly. 602 00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:09,309 ♪ Come on, make me feel alive... ♪ 603 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,395 ♪ You still linger in my bed ♪ 604 00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:14,189 ♪ Your whispers in my head... ♪ 605 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,317 You're really holding your own on the dance floor. 606 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,653 Yeah, well, thanks to a mother-son dance 607 00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,905 I didn't want to do at my parents' vow renewal, 608 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:23,741 I can do this. 609 00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:25,493 Whoa. (gasps) 610 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,579 ♪ I want to know... ♪ 611 00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,330 You dipped and kissed your mom? 612 00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:32,249 What? No, not the kiss part. 613 00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:33,667 Okay, good. 614 00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:36,211 God, you look so damn beautiful tonight. 615 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,130 Aww. 616 00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:40,632 ♪ Tell me, how the hell did we end up here? ♪ 617 00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:43,260 Not beautiful enough to be on that list. 618 00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:45,929 Hey, will you let that go? 619 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,431 When I tell you you're beautiful, 620 00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:48,807 I want you to believe it. 621 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,768 I don't want you to put yourself down. 622 00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:53,103 Hey. That list doesn't matter. 623 00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:54,646 You wouldn't understand. 624 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,274 You're a boy who probably got praised for being tall 625 00:21:57,275 --> 00:21:59,485 and athletic and-and smart. 626 00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:00,611 But you know what made my parents smile? 627 00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:02,029 When people at the grocery store 628 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,864 would stop to tell them how pretty I was. 629 00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:06,950 Because girls don't get the same treatment as boys. 630 00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:09,578 The world tells us, very loud and very clear, 631 00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:11,663 that our looks do matter, and, yeah, maybe 632 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,499 I don't want that to be the case, because 633 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,376 the amount of effort that I have to put into it 634 00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,127 is absolutely exhausting, 635 00:22:17,128 --> 00:22:18,629 Okay. I'm sorry. 636 00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:19,963 ♪ In my head ♪ 637 00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:21,799 ♪ And it makes me want to go ♪ 638 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,634 ♪ Back to sleep... ♪ 639 00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:26,178 - Can we just go? - Yeah. 640 00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:27,805 ♪ Still belong to you... ♪ 641 00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,348 (cheering) 642 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,849 ♪ Dive into my dreams ♪ 643 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:32,476 ♪ Back to my dreams... ♪ 644 00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:35,646 Boys, girls, gays and theys, listen up. 645 00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:38,357 Thank you all so much for coming out tonight 646 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:39,983 to support queer students at Essex 647 00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:42,027 and the issues that are important to them. 648 00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,655 - (cheering) - TOVA: Thanks to your donations, 649 00:22:44,656 --> 00:22:47,491 we've been able to gather enough money 650 00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:51,161 to help our president Sam get top surgery. 651 00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:53,497 (cheering) 652 00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:54,665 All right, enough talking. 653 00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,251 How about a little live music? 654 00:22:57,252 --> 00:23:00,005 (cheering) 655 00:23:02,674 --> 00:23:05,009 ♪ Oh ♪ 656 00:23:05,010 --> 00:23:07,553 ♪ All I want is somebody who wants me ♪ 657 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:10,347 ♪ Come on and take me home ♪ 658 00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:12,683 ♪ Oh ♪ 659 00:23:12,684 --> 00:23:15,644 ♪ If you want me, then show me you love me ♪ 660 00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:18,022 ♪ Come on and take me home ♪ 661 00:23:18,023 --> 00:23:21,109 ♪ Tell me you love me, just tell me you love me ♪ 662 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:23,694 ♪ Tell me you love me ♪ 663 00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:25,821 ♪ Come on and take me home ♪ 664 00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:27,489 ♪ Tell me you love me ♪ 665 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,366 ♪ Just tell me you love me ♪ 666 00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:32,036 ♪ Tell me you love me... ♪ 667 00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:33,370 Mmm. 668 00:23:33,371 --> 00:23:34,872 This is good. What do you call this? 669 00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:36,874 - It's ice water. Finish it. - Oh. 670 00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:39,209 This is sick. I love this stuff. 671 00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:43,589 I'm so inspired by all the queer bravery on display today. 672 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:47,134 Hey, love is love and I love you all! 673 00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:50,512 Maybe we should go outside and get you some fresh air. 674 00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:52,097 What? No, it's a party. 675 00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:54,850 I'm an ally. As a matter of fact, I think I should make 676 00:23:54,851 --> 00:23:56,894 - a speech for everyone. - No, Arvind, I don't think... 677 00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:58,687 - I should give, like, a little speech. - that's a good idea. 678 00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:00,439 Well, we'll let them be the judge of that... 679 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,816 - (thumps) - (shouts) 680 00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:04,735 (grunts) 681 00:24:04,736 --> 00:24:06,487 You saved me from my fall. 682 00:24:06,488 --> 00:24:08,364 I didn't. At all. 683 00:24:08,365 --> 00:24:12,201 Hey, Bela, I was thinking we should go back to your place 684 00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:14,244 and sex. 685 00:24:14,245 --> 00:24:16,205 I do want that, 686 00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:19,083 but I think we should wait until you're a little more present. 687 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:22,795 Oh, I'm all present. Unwrap me, Santa. 688 00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:24,463 - (laughs) Okay. - Okay. 689 00:24:24,464 --> 00:24:26,757 - We're getting up? Okay. - Yes, we are. Okay. 690 00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:30,052 Maybe instead of sex we get you some Gatorade and nachos? 691 00:24:30,053 --> 00:24:32,638 - Okay, that sounds good, too. - It does sound good, doesn't it? 692 00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:34,723 ♪ Tell me you love me ♪ 693 00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,101 ♪ Just tell me you love me ♪ 694 00:24:37,102 --> 00:24:39,729 ♪ Tell me you love me... ♪ 695 00:24:42,065 --> 00:24:43,607 CANAAN: Looking at your phone at a party 696 00:24:43,608 --> 00:24:44,942 because you're stressed, 697 00:24:44,943 --> 00:24:46,193 or you're just trying to act cool? 698 00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:48,070 No, it's not that. Um... 699 00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:50,572 Isaiah and I got into a fight before this. 700 00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:52,282 - What happened? - He got his rich dad 701 00:24:52,283 --> 00:24:54,201 to fund my research project. 702 00:24:54,202 --> 00:24:55,703 And I know I should be happy, 703 00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:57,204 because it lets me keep going and I've put 704 00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:58,997 so much work into this, but... I don't know, 705 00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,874 I just hate feeling like I owe him. 706 00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:03,627 I get you. I've felt that same thing. 707 00:25:03,628 --> 00:25:05,796 Sometimes I'm at these scholarship dinners, 708 00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:08,298 and I feel like I'm supposed to be smiling and groveling 709 00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:11,802 - and laughing at their weird jokes about tax evasion. - (laughs) 710 00:25:11,803 --> 00:25:13,929 But I didn't make them donate anything. 711 00:25:13,930 --> 00:25:16,056 You know, what they do with their money is on them, not me. 712 00:25:16,057 --> 00:25:18,934 That's sort of exactly what Isaiah said, 713 00:25:18,935 --> 00:25:22,021 but it makes more sense coming from you? 714 00:25:22,022 --> 00:25:23,940 Most things do. 715 00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:26,859 Um, my homie just pulled up. 716 00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:29,778 But congratulations on your funding. 717 00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:32,906 - Thank you. - You take that money and you... 718 00:25:32,907 --> 00:25:34,783 build a rocket, I don't know, I-I don't... 719 00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:36,869 - Wow. Okay. - Understand what you do. 720 00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:38,663 (laughs) 721 00:25:40,749 --> 00:25:43,542 ♪ Go ahead, you can give it to me ♪ 722 00:25:43,543 --> 00:25:45,669 ♪ I won't ask for much ♪ 723 00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:47,338 ♪ Just all your love ♪ 724 00:25:47,339 --> 00:25:48,797 ♪ Go ahead ♪ 725 00:25:48,798 --> 00:25:50,674 ♪ You can give it to me ♪ 726 00:25:50,675 --> 00:25:52,843 ♪ Hung up on your touch ♪ 727 00:25:52,844 --> 00:25:54,762 ♪ If I'm the one you want ♪ 728 00:25:54,763 --> 00:25:56,930 ♪ Go ahead ♪ 729 00:25:56,931 --> 00:26:00,351 ♪ You can give it to me, oh ♪ 730 00:26:00,352 --> 00:26:04,146 ♪ All I want is somebody who wants me ♪ 731 00:26:04,147 --> 00:26:06,565 ♪ Come on and take me home ♪ 732 00:26:06,566 --> 00:26:09,026 ♪ Oh ♪ 733 00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:11,153 ♪ If you want me, then show me... ♪ 734 00:26:11,154 --> 00:26:12,863 I'm-I'm sorry. 735 00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:15,157 - Oh. No. - I'm not... 736 00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:16,992 - No, it's-it's, uh... - Uh... 737 00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:19,661 I'm-I'm so sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. 738 00:26:19,662 --> 00:26:21,872 (exhales) Uh... 739 00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:24,458 I-I hope this doesn't make things awkward 740 00:26:24,459 --> 00:26:26,335 between us as roommates. 741 00:26:26,336 --> 00:26:27,711 Totally, i-it... 742 00:26:27,712 --> 00:26:29,880 Of course. (laughs softly) 743 00:26:29,881 --> 00:26:32,716 Would you excuse me? 744 00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:35,970 (cheering) 745 00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:38,639 Ooh, you okay? 746 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,891 I just need a moment. 747 00:26:40,892 --> 00:26:43,560 (panting) 748 00:26:43,561 --> 00:26:45,312 MAN: Happy Pride, losers! 749 00:26:45,313 --> 00:26:46,689 - Gay! - Gay! 750 00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,732 Hell week! 751 00:26:48,733 --> 00:26:51,068 - Fucking assholes! What... - Hey! 752 00:26:51,069 --> 00:26:54,154 - ASH: Hey, fuck you! - MAN: Let's go. Go, go! 753 00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:55,614 Suck my gay dick! 754 00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:57,908 TAYLOR: Did you just throw a muffin? 755 00:26:57,909 --> 00:27:00,452 I did. It was all I had. 756 00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:02,538 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 757 00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:04,373 Thanks. 758 00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:06,583 Why do you look so familiar? 759 00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:08,794 We met at-at speed dating. 760 00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:10,671 Yeah, you gave me your number 761 00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:13,215 and-and then you never texted me back. 762 00:27:13,216 --> 00:27:14,758 Right. 763 00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:17,469 And you've totally forgiven me. 764 00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:18,679 That's so big of you. 765 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,847 Well, it helps to be hot. 766 00:27:19,848 --> 00:27:22,182 (laughs) Yeah. That is true. 767 00:27:22,183 --> 00:27:24,436 I've never forgiven an ugly person. 768 00:27:25,395 --> 00:27:26,520 Could I walk you home? 769 00:27:26,521 --> 00:27:29,481 I would like that, actually. 770 00:27:29,482 --> 00:27:31,483 And sorry for not texting you back. 771 00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:34,903 I... got distracted by something that was not worth my time. 772 00:27:34,904 --> 00:27:37,782 Well, uh, let's hope that I am. 773 00:27:38,908 --> 00:27:40,117 Let's actually get going, though, 774 00:27:40,118 --> 00:27:41,910 because I worry, with the egg on you, 775 00:27:41,911 --> 00:27:43,704 that the raccoons are gonna find us. 776 00:27:43,705 --> 00:27:45,789 Well, you'll protect me, no? 777 00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:48,250 (Ash laughs) 778 00:27:48,251 --> 00:27:51,004 ♪ ♪ 779 00:27:53,798 --> 00:27:55,966 (gasps) Cooper, I don't have any makeup on. 780 00:27:55,967 --> 00:27:58,969 I told you, no unannounced visits or pre-bed FaceTimes. 781 00:27:58,970 --> 00:28:00,763 You look cute, all right? 782 00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:02,264 I like your crazy morning hair. 783 00:28:02,265 --> 00:28:04,224 - (door closes) - Oh. What are you doing here? 784 00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:06,226 I just came by to tell you that a student 785 00:28:06,227 --> 00:28:08,937 got removed from Essex's 50 Most List 786 00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:10,814 over some questionable tweets about 787 00:28:10,815 --> 00:28:12,941 that were deeply misogynistic. 788 00:28:12,942 --> 00:28:16,028 Tweets that somebody stayed up all night finding 789 00:28:16,029 --> 00:28:18,822 and sending to their friend that works on the magazine. 790 00:28:18,823 --> 00:28:21,283 - You didn't. - I did. 791 00:28:21,284 --> 00:28:24,036 I did, and I got to recommend a replacement. 792 00:28:24,037 --> 00:28:27,206 Kacey Lynne Baker, in my mind, you always were, 793 00:28:27,207 --> 00:28:30,292 but you are now officially one of Essex's 794 00:28:30,293 --> 00:28:32,378 50 Hottest Students. 795 00:28:32,379 --> 00:28:33,962 - (screams) - (laughs) 796 00:28:33,963 --> 00:28:35,464 Yeah, oh, and they want a picture, 797 00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:37,174 - like, now, so... - Oh... No! 798 00:28:37,175 --> 00:28:39,009 - I'm not camera-ready. - (chuckles) 799 00:28:39,010 --> 00:28:43,097 - I'm joking, okay? Go get ready. - (laughs) 800 00:28:43,098 --> 00:28:44,765 Oh, wait. 801 00:28:44,766 --> 00:28:46,725 - Thank you. (squeals) - Oh. Yeah. 802 00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:49,812 (laughs) Yes! Ha! 803 00:28:49,813 --> 00:28:51,522 (door slams) 804 00:28:51,523 --> 00:28:53,982 ♪ I wonder how it feels ♪ 805 00:28:53,983 --> 00:28:56,276 ♪ To really sleep at night ♪ 806 00:28:56,277 --> 00:29:00,031 ♪ Instead I ask him all these questions ♪ 807 00:29:02,701 --> 00:29:05,202 ♪ If I could look you in the eyes ♪ 808 00:29:05,203 --> 00:29:06,829 ♪ Would I even say... ♪ 809 00:29:06,830 --> 00:29:09,415 - You doing all right? - Yeah. 810 00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:10,791 I regret nothing. 811 00:29:10,792 --> 00:29:13,378 Thanks for an amazing night. 812 00:29:14,462 --> 00:29:17,757 ♪ In my mind ♪ 813 00:29:18,508 --> 00:29:22,094 ♪ You are the one that I see ♪ 814 00:29:22,095 --> 00:29:23,721 ♪ Can't shake these... ♪ 815 00:29:23,722 --> 00:29:25,764 COOPER: Find a pic you like? 816 00:29:25,765 --> 00:29:27,474 Yep. (laughs softly) 817 00:29:27,475 --> 00:29:29,977 ♪ On repeat ♪ 818 00:29:29,978 --> 00:29:33,564 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 819 00:29:33,565 --> 00:29:36,233 ♪ Can't lose you now ♪ 820 00:29:36,234 --> 00:29:39,153 ♪ I wonder what it's like ♪ 821 00:29:39,154 --> 00:29:42,114 ♪ To really lose your mind ♪ 822 00:29:42,115 --> 00:29:46,036 ♪ Instead of feeling all this pressure ♪ 823 00:29:47,412 --> 00:29:50,205 ♪ Am I the only one ♪ 824 00:29:50,206 --> 00:29:53,542 ♪ Still putting up a fight ♪ 825 00:29:53,543 --> 00:29:57,047 ♪ Trying to put us back together ♪ 826 00:29:57,797 --> 00:30:00,007 ♪ You are the one ♪ 827 00:30:00,008 --> 00:30:01,800 ♪ That I see ♪ 828 00:30:01,801 --> 00:30:06,930 ♪ Can't shake these permanent memories ♪ 829 00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:09,725 - ♪ On repeat... ♪ - (knocks on door) 830 00:30:09,726 --> 00:30:13,062 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 831 00:30:13,063 --> 00:30:15,356 ♪ Can't lose you now ♪ 832 00:30:15,357 --> 00:30:18,442 ♪ You are the one that I need ♪ 833 00:30:18,443 --> 00:30:23,155 ♪ They say that nobody's perfect ♪ 834 00:30:23,156 --> 00:30:26,450 ♪ But we fit perfectly ♪ 835 00:30:26,451 --> 00:30:29,913 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 836 00:30:32,123 --> 00:30:35,292 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 837 00:30:35,293 --> 00:30:38,254 ♪ Can't lose you now ♪ 838 00:30:40,173 --> 00:30:43,842 ♪ You are the one that I see ♪ 839 00:30:43,843 --> 00:30:49,139 ♪ Can't shake these permanent memories ♪ 840 00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:51,183 ♪ On repeat ♪ 841 00:30:51,184 --> 00:30:55,020 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 842 00:30:55,021 --> 00:30:57,607 ♪ I can't lose you now ♪ 843 00:31:00,819 --> 00:31:03,863 ♪ I can't lose you now ♪ 844 00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:10,036 ♪ You are the one that I need ♪ 845 00:31:13,581 --> 00:31:18,086 ♪ You are the one that I need ♪ 846 00:31:19,170 --> 00:31:22,756 ♪ You are the one that I see ♪ 847 00:31:22,757 --> 00:31:28,757 ♪ Can't shake these permanent memories ♪ 848 00:31:28,763 --> 00:31:30,973 ♪ On repeat ♪ 849 00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:34,435 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 850 00:31:34,436 --> 00:31:37,688 ♪ Can't lose you now. ♪ 851 00:31:37,689 --> 00:31:43,689 MAN: Go to bed.